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The “right time.”

August 3, 2013

Every time I’ve gotten pregnant, Andy and I made a pact to keep it a secret until it was the “right time.”

I went to the doctor in April of 2009 thinking there was something wrong with my cycle, and maybe that I had a UTI. I’d never been to the dreaded “lady doctor” before, so it was high time anyway. I wore a baggy dress with an elastic waistband over jeans to hide how much weight I’d gained. (How would they have known? Whatever.)

I had purposely ignored the previous 2 months of nagging thoughts that maybe I was pregnant. No – horrible things like that don’t happen to people like me. Andy and I were only dating at the time, and not for very long. We loved each other though, and I trusted him more than any other boy I’d ever known. Letting the thought of a baby into my brain would have also invited the thought of Andy leaving me, so I never thought about either of those things.

Ignore the scary uterus face. Focus on the miracle baby.

Ignore the scary uterus face. Focus on the miracle baby.

The nurse told me, “You are pregnant.” Like she knew I was ignoring it. Like she wanted me to question all of my relationships – my boyfriend, my church, my parents? Crap – how was I going to tell my parents?

Then she asked me if I was going to cry and handed me a tissue. I told her, “Yeah, but not right now.” I still had stuff to do. But I don’t think I ever cried. I was too stunned. Numb.

I left the doctor’s office and texted my mom. So lame. I don’t even remember what I said, but I was so sorry and ashamed and scared. I didn’t even tell Andy until later that night. I didn’t want to. I texted him too (OH my generation! So stupid!)
“I’m pregnant. Is that ok?”

Is that ok?
Of course it’s ok.

I wish I would have known back then what a blessing I had.
Andy didn’t leave. He did the opposite. Not only did he stay, he bought my maternity clothes. He moved in with me and took care of me. He put up with a lot of things I wish he didn’t have to see.
He told me he wanted to marry me.

We found out we were going to have a baby 14 weeks into my pregnancy. I totally missed the first trimester. I never had morning sickness. My feet and ankles were never swollen. I did yoga like nobody’s business.
My pregnancy was perfect.

Happy birthday, Luke!

Happy birthday, Luke!

Since I was so small, my doctor recommended induction if Luke wasn’t born on or soon after my due date. On the day I went in to be induced, I was already having contractions. I didn’t feel it. I was in labor for 4 and a half hours and gave birth without drugs or an epidural.
Luke’s birth was perfect.

Luke was 8lbs and healthy.
He was perfect.

1 year and 16 days later, Andy asked me to be his wife. He waited until he could buy a nice ring and got down on one knee.
It was perfect.

2 years after that, we got married. What’s the rush, right? There were a lot of mosquitoes and the lady who was supposed to make my cake  didn’t make my cake.
But that was perfect too.

In hindsight, even though some of those things were super scary, super stressful, super SUPER, everything happened at the right time.
It’s hard for me to realize that the things that are happening this year are the happening at the right time too.

A few weeks ago, I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.
My doctor wanted to check my bloodwork first before having me come in for my first OB visit. At 6 weeks, my beta level was 36,000 – “quite pregnant!” she said.
Two days later, it was supposed to double, but it didn’t. But it didn’t decrease either, so this is ok news.

This whole time I’ve been feeling a mixture of excitement and hopelessness.
I had an allergic reaction (maybe poison ivy,) and I couldn’t have oral steroids because I’m pregnant. My first thought (and I really hate this) was, but this baby’s going to die anyway.

Stupid stupid thoughts.

If this baby survives, it’s because it was the right time for us to have another baby. If not, it was the right time for… something else. I haven’t quite figured that one out yet.

Everything happens for a reason. God wants what’s best for us. We may not see it at the time, but even the horrible things that happen to us happened just at the right time.
If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have Luke. Or Andy. And they’re the most awesome guys ever.

My ultrasound is scheduled for Aug. 14th. I’ll have more to say after that. Hopefully good things. :)

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Caitlin Hopper permalink
    August 3, 2013 4:57 pm

    I love the way you put things. It’s a beautiful perspective. I wish you the best in everything!

  2. Benjamin permalink
    August 12, 2013 6:38 pm

    I will be praying for you and your family. I went through a time like this with Mellie, but never this extreme…

  3. Kayla K permalink
    August 19, 2013 2:21 pm


    How perfect your pregnancy went with Luke. I didn’t know your labor story. :-) Perfect. Praying for you this pregnancy. Overjoyed for you and your two special guys. :-)

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