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You can’t do this on your own.

August 17, 2013

I’m fairly certain Romans is my favorite book in the Bible.

It all started in high school when I was asked to pick my favorite verse for senior’s night at church. I didn’t know the Bible very well, so I scrambled to find something that defined me as a young person and the direction I was heading.

I picked Isaiah 52:7 – Beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!
That was easy.

I was one of those high school students who watched the news and felt comforted that nothing bad would ever happen to me. School shootings. Robberies. Planes crashing into the world trade center. That could have very well been my house, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t have been. Bad things never happen to people like me.

But when I grew up and life got hard and bad things started to happen, I found Isaiah 52:7 again and I held on to it.

I was introduced to a deep study in Romans when a preacher at Campus Crusade started talking about the themes that show up in it:
God’s plan is perfect.
You can’t do this on your own.

And guess what’s in it?
How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, “Beautiful are the feet of those who bring news of good things!” – Romans 10:15

How perfect.
That’s why my house never caught on fire. I was supposed to live until tomorrow so I could do something good. And if bad things happen – guess what? – I don’t have to deal with it by myself.
Pretty sweet, right?

So this year, I didn’t just read Romans. I smashed my face in it.
I’ll admit, I don’t go to church on Sundays much anymore. For a while, I felt like I had a scarlet letter on all of my pretty dresses.
And I did. But that doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter because I am a sinner. God loves me anyway. I took the most beautiful thing he created and shattered it with a baseball bat, but He loves me anyway. I’ve hated him before, but He still loved me.
I am a princess in His kingdom.
There will always be a place at His table for me.
All because I chose to love Him back.

The pain that you have been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming.

I’m happy to announce that I have a healthy little gummy bear.
9 weeks along. Due on March 21st, 2014.
ImageI wish that was all the news I had. That’s only the good news.
The bad news is that I have a healthy hemorrhage too.

But, in case you’ve forgotten, I’ve lost at least 3 babies this year, and I didn’t have to suffer through that alone. I feel like I finally have a right to brag about what’s going on in my body – so I will.

But if I’ve learned anything from Romans it’s that I can’t do this alone either. Even though it was really easy the first time, God was working inside me. That wasn’t an accident, and this won’t be either.

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